Pain, Pleasure, and Lies: An Urban Romance Thriller Read online

  Copyright © 2015 by Qiana London

  Publisher: Jessica Watkins Presents

  All rights reserved, including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. Without limiting the right under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form by means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise), without the prior written permission of the copyright owner.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales, is entirely coincidental.

  Acknowledgements

  First and foremost, I have to give thanks to God from whom all blessings flow. I am so thankful for the gift of writing. I will continue to live my purpose, on purpose.

  Thank you, Jessica Watkins, for welcoming me into the JWP family. I truly appreciate that you recognized my talent and provided me with this opportunity to share my creative ideas with the rest of the world.

  Whether by blood or bond, I am so thankful for my family. I appreciate those of you who keep me encouraged and provide continuous support of every project I have ever brought forth. Mama, thank you for remaining in my corner. Nickey “My Sister” Pugh, you helped make this happen. Thank YOU!

  A special thanks to Perri Forrest and Allison Berewa. I appreciate you both very much. You know why!

  Chioma, your love and light could not have entered my life at a more perfect time. I am truly blessed and thankful to have you.

  To my lovely Sorors, thank you. Much love and light, always.

  Dedication:

  Everything I do is for Elijah. You keep me motivated and driven to do what I love. I will continue to be a walking example of why you should always follow your dreams. Mommy loves you!

  For my family and loved ones. I love you!

  Jessica Watkins Presents

  Pain, Pleasure, and Lies

  An Urban Romance Thriller

  Qiana London

  Chapter One

  My ear was warm and sweaty from holding the phone for two hours. Zereck was on the opposite end of my line, apologizing for missing dinner dates two nights in a row. He continued to talk, but I didn’t hear what he was saying. All I heard were sounds in my ear as my mind drifted. He hadn’t been so thoughtless in the beginning of our, now, eight-year relationship. My instincts told me there was another woman, but my pride said otherwise. Besides, I’d given him several opportunities to tell me the truth, and for what it was worth, I chose to believe him.

  “Baby, are you listening to me?”

  “I heard you, Zereck.” I was annoyed. “So you’re leaving for Los Angeles tonight, huh?”

  “Yeah, our manager booked us a show.”

  “I guess you gotta do what you gotta do.”

  “That’s it?”

  “What more do you want me to say? I know this is what you want. You’ve been talking about it since high school.”

  “Then why do I get the feeling you’re not happy for me?”

  “Of course, I’m happy for you. I’m not happy for us. You always put everything and everyone before me. There was a time when I was first, and then there was the rest of the world.”

  “Dezzy, you know you’re my world, but I have to take advantage of this opportunity.”

  “I realize I’m being a little bit selfish, but I hardly get to see you anymore. When we do see each other, it’s only for a hot second. I miss you.”

  “I won’t be gone long. I’ll call you as soon as I get there okay?”

  “You better and be careful.”

  When I hung up the phone, I was pissed. Our relationship was getting old fast. I was trying to hang in there because Zereck was my first love, my high school sweetheart. As time went on, though, we were growing farther apart. The urge to move on was there, but so was the belief he would come around and we would go back to the way we once were.

  I turned the key, and my engine roared. I always got in my car and drove around when I wanted to clear my head. I didn’t have a specific destination, and it didn’t matter. I wanted to get away and have some time to myself. Before I drove off, I flipped through the radio stations, trying to find a song that suited my mood. Unsuccessful, I turned on my iPod, pressed play, and allowed Tyrese to sing away my sorrows.

  I drove around aimlessly for a while before finally ending up at the mall. A little retail therapy was one way to take my mind off of Zereck. Entering a mall without a plan, though, could be dangerous. Then again, I worked hard for my money. There was nothing wrong with treating myself. Besides, making the money back would take very little effort. I was one of the hottest hairdressers in the Bay Area. I’d make the money back in no time. That was the motivation I needed as I headed into the first store to do some damage.

  I walked straight to the women’s section of the store and was immediately drawn to the new arrivals. I hadn’t made it to the first clothing rack before a sales associate approached me. She was energetic and overly eager to help. I tried to be understanding, knowing that she was only doing her job, but I wanted to be left alone so I could sulk in peace. She rattled off current promotions going on throughout the store, and I pretended to listen. Seeing that I wasn’t engaging in the conversation, she finally let me be. Good.

  I sifted through the clothes and found a few must have items. I tossed them over my arm and continued my search around the store. As much as shopping was supposed to be a distraction, I found myself periodically checking my phone to see if Zereck had tried to call me. Nothing. I tried my best to be nonchalant about it, but it bothered me. In the past, if he knew I was mad at him, he would immediately begin to do things to get back into my good graces. He wasn’t putting in work the way he used to. Something would need to give and soon.

  I was making purchases when my phone began to ring. I dug around in my purse trying to find my phone. I pulled it out on the fourth ring, expecting it to be him but it was my god sister. She was one person I would always make time for.

  “Hey, Diva!” she said.

  “Hey, Lee,” I replied, flatly.

  “Damn! Why do you sound like you lost your puppy?”

  “I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “Now you know that isn’t going to fly, so you might as well tell me what’s going on. You can’t keep things from me even if you wanted to.”

  She was right. I told her everything. Even if I tried to hide something from her, she always managed to find out. She was the one I always turned to when I was going through it, especially in my relationship. I gave a brief explanation to satisfy her curiosity for the moment and continued the conversation when I showed up at her house.

  “What did his ass do now?”

  “It’s what he doesn’t do. I barely see him anymore.”

  “Shit, count your blessings,” she replied and laughed.

  “I’m serious, Lee. One mind tells me to drop his ass, and the other says I should stick it out.”

  “Dezzy, I think better on a full stomach. Have you eaten?”

  “No. I lost my appetite when he canceled our dinner plans.”

  “Well, you better develop one by the time we reach Black Angus... my treat,” she added.

  She stood up from the couch, picked her purse up off of the coffee table, and grabbed her house keys.

  “You driving?” I asked.

  “Nope, because I’m buying. Let’s go!”

  I waited for Lee to lock up then we hopped in my car
and headed to the restaurant.

  *****

  I picked at my baked potato as Lee polished off her second margarita. I thought spending time with my god sister would help me feel better, but it wasn’t working.

  “Dezzy, your life didn’t begin with Zereck and it won’t end with him either.”

  “You’re right. Sometimes, I wish I’d started seeing different people when the red flags began popping up.”

  “It’s never too late to start.”

  “Many times, I think he’s seeing another woman.”

  “He’d have to be a fool to let someone like you go.”

  “Yeah, you would think so, but he clearly doesn’t realize what he has.”

  “Dezzy, you’ve been putting more energy into the relationship than it’s worth. Don’t you think it’s time to move on?”

  She had heard my complaints for far too long.

  “I don’t know. I’ve definitely thought about it.”

  I pushed my food around on my plate.

  “Trust your instincts.”

  “How will I know when it’s the right time?”

  “Why waste anymore time?”

  “That’s true. As soon as he gets back from LA, we’re going to have a real conversation.”

  Lee picked up her glass of water, but sat it down before the glass ever touched her lips.

  “What’s wrong, Lee? You look like you saw a ghost.”

  As the waitress attempted to walk by our table, Lee pulled her by the arm. From the expression on the woman’s face, it was obvious Lee had caught her off guard.

  “I’m so sorry,” she started. “Can we have the check, please?”

  The waitress nodded with a look of confusion on her face.

  “Lee, do you want to clue me in on what the hell is going on?”

  When she continued to ignore my question, I turned around to see what had suddenly gained her attention. I didn’t realize I’d begun shaking until Lee took the fork out of my hand.

  “Dezzy, let’s leave. Now isn’t the time or the place.”

  Zereck was being seated in the restaurant with another woman. Once the host walked away, he took her hand in his. He had never looked at me the way he was looking at this chick. “You have got to be kidding me,” I said.

  He was totally consumed by this bright-eyed, bushy-tailed bitch. Her frame was petite and disproportionate from what I could see. She was hiding behind layers of make-up, and she wore a long, raggedy weave. Damn, he couldn’t even make sure she was a bad one? I didn’t know if I should be pissed or insulted.

  “Let’s go, Dezzy.”

  “Now you know I ain’t going out like that.”

  “Look, we don’t need to make a scene in this restaurant.”

  “Lee, damn! I’m a grown woman. I know how to act.”

  The waitress returned with the check, and Lee took care of the bill. Once she placed the tip in the bill holder, I stood up from the table, and Lee was on my heels. I felt like I was walking in slow motion toward Zereck’s table. My knees grew weak as I got closer. I considered turning around when I realized I didn’t know what I was going to say. I knew I would kick myself later, though if I didn’t say something, so I was determined to go through with it.

  “What the fuck is this?”

  I was calm. I paid no attention to Raggedy Ann, who tried to say something before realizing she was out-numbered.

  “Dez, I... I–”

  “I…I…what?” I mocked. You got me fucked up, Zereck! And with this?”

  I gestured toward his date but didn’t look at her.

  “Come on, now Dez—“

  “Come on? I’ve been nothing but good to your sorry ass. I held you down when nobody else would, and you’re going out like this? Was it worth it?”

  My voice cracked, and I could feel the lump forming in my throat, but I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction. A few of the patrons looked over in our direction, and Lee pulled me by my elbow.

  “I hope like hell it was worth it because I’m done. Fuck you!”

  Lee pulled me harder, and I didn’t resist. I could feel Zereck’s eyes on my back, but I didn’t turn around. I had finally done what should have been done a long time ago.

  *****

  I didn’t bother going inside Lee’s house when we got back. I didn’t want to entertain the events of the evening any longer. I decided to go home where I could process things on my own.

  When I walked in the door, my brother was in the living room with my mother. I’d moved back home to save up money to purchase a home. My brother, Donte, had never left. He pulled his weight and helped my mother with the bills, though. He was far from a freeloader. My mother was gone on business the majority of the time, so we often had the house to ourselves.

  “Dezzy, baby, leave your shoes at the door. I had the carpet cleaned.”

  I took my shoes off and held them in my hand, said brief hellos, then headed to my room. I held myself together long enough to get to my room, but now I lost control over the constant stream of tears running down my cheeks. In a daze, I pointlessly moved around my room. Three Mary J. Blige CDs later, I lay down on my bed and stared at the ceiling in my t-shirt and panties, enjoying the cool night breeze coming through my windows. As much as I tried not to, I kept replaying the incident in the restaurant over and over in my head. Of course, I was thinking of everything I should have said, but it was too late now. The more I thought about it, the angrier I became. Fortunately, I was able to find solace in knowing that it was finally over.

  Donte knocked on my door three times which was our signal knock.

  “Hold up a minute, Tay.”

  I stood up, grabbed a pair of shorts from my drawer, and pulled them on.

  “Alright, you can come in now.”

  My brother and I were as thick as thieves. He wasn’t older than me by much, but he took his role as big brother very seriously. He gulped down a Gatorade and tightened the drawstring on his basketball shorts before he began to do pushups. I didn’t have to tell him when something was bothering me. It was a sixth sense he had. He did thirty pushups before he said anything to me.

  “Damn, Dezzy you need to vacuum. It’s a wonder you don’t have shit growing on your floor.”

  He was treading lightly. He didn’t want to come right out and ask what was wrong.

  “I’m always busy, Donte, and when I get home I’m too tired.”

  “Whatever. You always make excuses,” he joked.

  “Don’t start with me, Donte.”

  Usually, we’d exchange witty banter, but I wasn’t in the mood.

  “Damn, that’s all you’ve got for me?” He studied my face. “What’s up, Desrinique?”

  “Nothing.”

  “That bad, huh?”

  “Yep.”

  “Do you want to talk about it?”

  “Nope.”

  “Tomorrow?”

  “Maybe.”

  “I’m off tomorrow, so I’m here whenever you need me.”

  “Thank you, Tay.”

  “Martin will be on in thirty minutes, you down?”

  It was a favorite show of ours when we were growing up. We always watched it together whenever we could.

  “Only if we can watch it in here. I’m comfortable.”

  “That’s cool. I need to shoot off a few work emails then I’ll be back... with the vacuum cleaner.”

  “Kiss my ass, Tay!”

  I threw a pillow at him as he headed out of my bedroom.

  Chapter Two

  “So the shit hit the fan, huh?”

  My eyes hadn’t adjusted to the sunlight beaming on my face through the blinds, so I lay in my bed with my eyes closed. I didn’t even bother holding the phone. I had put it on speaker and placed it on the pillow next to me. I regretted answering the phone now that I heard my cousin carrying on about Zereck. I had been trying to put the whole ordeal behind me for the last few weeks, but it was hard. Somehow, something or someone would always serv
e as a reminder. This was not how I wanted to start my day.

  “Camille, I’m so tired of talking about it. It’s not even worth the energy.”

  “I’m just happy you found out when you did.”

  “As opposed to when? Eight more years from now?”

  “You know what I mean, Dezzy,” she rationalized.

  I realized I was being defensive and she hadn’t done anything wrong. It wasn’t her fault. She was only trying to help. I took a deep breath and tried my best to practice patience.

  “Camille, I’m not going to lie. This shit hurts. I gave him so many years of my life only for me to be left feeling like it was all for nothing.”

  “Girl, I’ve been there, but you’ve got to remember that everything happens for a reason. You’re twenty-two years old. You have your whole life ahead of you. With that deadbeat out of your life, you’ll probably meet someone worthwhile.

  “Yeah, maybe,” I contemplated. “I don’t even know if I’d recognize a good man at this point. Hell, I thought Zereck was everything I needed in a man, and we see how that turned out.”

  “Don’t beat yourself up about it, Dezzy. It only hurts because you care. If you didn’t care, it wouldn’t matter.”

  “You’re right and that’s the part that is driving me crazy. I don’t want to care.”

  “But you’re human, Dez. It gets better, trust me. In the meantime, you need a good distraction,” she laughed before she continued. “You know the saying, ‘the fastest way to get over an old man is to get with, or under as I like to say, a new one’.”

  “Girl, please. My shit is so out of commission right now. It probably doesn’t even work anymore. Besides, I’m not trying to get involved with anyone anytime soon.”

  “I totally get why you would be hesitant. Eight years is a long time, but meeting new people could be good for you,” she persisted.